Not so long ago someone was saying something to me that involved sources in living for regret-shame-deceit and all that bundle of scum. I snapped, "You have to live!" Look, I've done my share of things I'm not proud of but I'm not 'shamed of them. What might have hurt my kids I care about, and as for the rest it's like combat, we're all on the field, there will be casualties, no free lunches abound. Recovery, to some extent - and maybe a great extent - is about acceptance and self-acceptance. But I say, it's about defiance, too. In order to have meaning recovery has to include a degree of "I-don't-give-a-****(of yer choice)". It's gotta have guts. Apologies are nice, you should say your sorries and then move on. My attitude is that you have zero obligation to spend your recovery feeling sorry for the people you hurt. They'll take every opportunity, given a chance, to remind you of what a monster you were (and still are, if they can fit that in). Don't spend the life you have saved killing it with undue kindness. Recover, but for life, not some lukewarming of the hearts of the hard-done-by.
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